The Juggling Act Ensues

Disclaimer: I might talk a bit about the birds and the bees in this post, so if sex is a topic that makes you uncomfortable (or at least me talking about sex) then this is your warning to stop. 


I had been posting everyday (sometimes several times a day) since the 1st and up until Wednesday and it's now Sunday. The good news is that I've been so busy doing everything that I'm supposed to that there really wasn't time to sit down and write a proper post. The bad news is that I also have a touch of a cold or flu or pregnancy symptoms (not really, I'll get into that in a bit) and so I've been crashing earlier than usual, therefor sleeping during my late-night blog time. In case you needed a visual aide:

Here's a review of the last half of the week in regards to resolutions.


-Completely stop using plastic and paper bags. 
Success! Even Alex is getting into it and helping me remember our reusable bags.


-Work out for at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week.
Well, I did work out for 45 minutes one day. I took my running clothes to work with me on Wednesday so that I could run around the lake afterwards, but when it came down to it...I just wanted to go home and hang out with Paul and Alex. I thought I could shake off this flu/cold/hysterical pregnancy in a day or two, but I still feel like major crap. Regardless of the insane amounts of liquid spewing from my nose, Paul's job tonight is to make me go workout for an hour to make up for the fact that I didn't work out 30mins/2 days.


-Be more patient, calm, understanding of mistakes as a wife aka Operation Simmer the F*** Down, Abby
I just asked Paul if I had done better in this area over the last week. His response was, "you've been....good." So I guess there's still room for improvement there. I'll improve his- WAIT WAIT WAIT, calming, patience, sweetness. Ommmmm.

-Create something each day.
This one has been the easiest! The girl with fox ears went from a sketch, to a painting to the trash. But over the few days I worked on it, I really enjoyed it. Til I hated it. And threw it away. 
I also did a really weird sketch in the parking lot at school while I waited:

And this is what my living room looked like this morning. I did 4 separate water color paintings.

-Figure out the design for our room and living room.
Though I didn't buy anything fun or interesting, I DID rearrange the entire living room/dining room. It's a start. Big shout out to my husband for moving all the heavy stuff from corner to corner til I thought it felt right. He's a saint!


-Lose 10 vanity pounds.
Don't ask me how, because I honestly don't know. The scale (which is very reliable and never lies to me even when I beg it to) says I've lost 3.5 pounds? I worked out once. I've been sick, but I haven't missed any meals. I even weighed myself 2 days in a row at different times and it still says I lost 3.5 lbs. I'll take it....but I still don't trust it...


-Get pregnant.
I don't know if I am. I miss the blissful ignorance when I didn't know about all of the websites and forums on how to get pregnant. Back then (way back like 2 months ago ha), all I knew was when we should have sex if we wanted to get pregnant or should not have sex if we didn't want to. That's all it took, the actual act, right? Well, now the internet has made me feel ...crazy... and like I'm doing it all wrong. There are forums FULL of women who take different herbs on different days and track their temperature and take ovulation tests and do headstands post-coitus.... It kinda puts a lot of pressure on someone who just wants to make a baby the old-fashion, stress-free way and have sex with their partner. I know, the only person who is putting stress and pressure on me IS me, and I need to somehow block my phone and laptop from being able to read these things. Which brings me to my next point: when you have babies on the brain, you mistake a lot of things for pregnancy symptoms. And the internet doesn't help any there either! I searched for "runny nose, temp 99.3, sore boobs" to see if there was any crazy flu out there that I need to watch out for and the whole first page of results was from baby-making forums. I realize writing all of this kind of makes me sound like a stupid, baby-crazy idiot....but after I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that maybe someone else out there is feeling the same way and needs to hear that they're not the only one. Underneath it all, I know I'll get pregnant when/if I'm supposed to and I need to remember that life is really hard sometimes and bringing someone else into this world where they'll have their own amazing, fun, sad, trying, exciting,  heartbreaking, beautiful experience is a really. big. deal.


To end on a not-so-heavy and cuter note....
Thursday was a long day. Feeling totally under the weather; I took Alex to school, worked, went to the bank picked Alex up, she lost her phone so we retraced her footsteps through the campus (didn't find it until the next day), went to Target to get her school supplies for the next quarter, went to the grocery store, came home and reviewed all her grades/assignments online, made dinner...and by that point, I was DONE. I went and took a bath then got in bed without even eating the dinner that I made (I guess I did skip one meal this week then, but not 3.5 lbs worth!). When I woke up on Friday, Paul had already taken Alex to school for me and let me sleep in and this note was on the table:

The best thank-you's are the ones that catch me completely by surprise. Somedays it feels like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off and nobody really notices just how much work goes into making our house function....then one of them will make something like this and remind me why I love them so much. Origami hearts with a couple nice words on it? Absolutely perfect. <3

PS- Spring '12 semester starts for me tomorrow. Hoping to kick some ass.

A Productive Day

Today was amazing.

First, I did something that falls under the "Be more of myself" category. And not everything pertaining to that resolution is about setting aside money to go have fun and enjoy myself. Example.... As soon as I woke up this morning, I went online and applied to be a volunteer at Children's Hospital of Orange (or, CHOC). I really wanted to apply to be an infant cuddler (which is exactly what it sounds like), but right now they don't have a need for them. They do need some playroom volunteers though which appears to be even more fun, albeit less cuddly. CHOC only accepts applications on the first Wednesday of every month and it seems like the application process is very selective; which I completely understand, these are people's kids! And, most likely, kids in a more delicate state than usual. I'm hoping that given my background working with youngins I will get accepted and can start as soon as possible. Working with children is something that I really miss and used to be such a huge part of my life. Even though I can't return to nannying with my current schedule of chaos, the 4 hours a week they are asking of volunteers at the hospital seems very doable.

Also - more on the superficial side, I got my bangs back today. Paul hates my bangs and say they make me look "like a sheepdog", but I love them and find 'em incredibly cute.

My creation of the day is going to be a work in progress. It's a girl. With fox ears. And there's some implied boobage (I CAN'T HELP MYSELF).

Other than all that, I went to school to get my books for Spring semester and got refunded the $$ that the school owed me. I only had to threaten their lives twice! Then I worked for 6 hours. It may not sound like a lot. But it's enough to make me esssleepy right now.

Good night, Moon.

[Create] January 3rd

No boobs. Not a tree. BAM!

Also, I ran/walk 2.5 miles before dinner. Feeling like not-a-failure.

I Said Yesterday Was Day 3, But This is Day 3. Right? Also - Resolutions I Totally Forgot to Add!

So big shocker here; I didn't wake up at 530 this morning. I tried, people- I REALLY did. But the bed was so warm and I was so..... asleep. It doesn't help that I stayed up til after midnight last night (getting a new, healthy routine is hard, yo!) Debating working out now (Paul won't be home for another hour) or after I make dinner.

OH!!!!


I forgot about 2 other resolutions that I meant to write down on Sunday.

-Figure out the design for our room and living room.
When I was in high school I covered my walls with pictures and magazine pages for the sake of covering as much space as possible. Now that I'm not 15 anymore, I'm much more picky about what I choose to put up. Ironically, I did have Christmas lights up in the living room for an entire year, but those have come down now. Our bedroom is literally just a bed, 2 nightstands and a pile of books. I say "pile" because I thought I was happy with our $10 garage sale bookcase, but I wasn't so now the books are just stacked up along the wall. My lack of desire to decorate is partly because the Stewarts are on a tight budget right now and partly because I need to get my ass more motivated to go out and find cool stuff. Courtney, make me go to the flea market on Sunday. Is that the right "flea" to use? Or is it "flee"? I've stared at them so long that neither of them even look like real words anymore.

-Dance in a Flash Mob.
I'm for cereal here. I have a Flash Mob fantasy. Actually, my fantasy is to choreograph a Flash Mob to a very specific song and do it with all my friends. Marisa? Choreograph? If I have to do it, it's going to be a lot of Roger Rabbit-ing.

Okay, I've decided that I should go work out now before Paul gets home from work. Stay tuned for my creation of the day. I made a promise that it won't be boobs or shitty trees. I will do my best to keep that promise...but doesn't a shitty tree with boobs sound like your favorite painting of all time!?!

Three Days In

Today I fulfilled both my reusable bag and create resolutions.

This morning, Paul and I decided to have FKB (Fat Kid Breakfast). Paul has a gluten allergy (we're 95% sure, but homeboy won't suck it up and go to the doctor) and wanted breakfast burritos so I decided to make tortillas from scratch.
Recipe:
1 1/4 Amaranth flour
1/2 cup water
1 tsp mexican seasoning
I'm not sure what "Mexican seasoning" is so I just used taco seasoning and it seemed to work fine. I made a dough from the ingredients, very easy. Rolling the dough Into tortillas was harder than I thought it should be. Even with my counter, hands and the roller covered in flour, the dough STILL wanted to stick to everything it touched. The tortillas tasted great after I cooked them on the stovetop, but they definitely needed to be thinner because the inside still seemed doughy to me.

Later on we went to Whole Foods and I remembered all my canvas bags. I feel such a undeserved sense of accomplishment for this!

Now I'm painting in the living room while Paul watches South Park. It's kind of a shitty tree. More like the watercolor equivalent of a doodle while I zone out. Still, it's something.

Back to work tomorrow. Hoping to wake up at 530am and hit the gym (did I really just say 'hit the gym'? Should I audition for Jersey Shore already or what? Oh wait, all the girls on there are chubby, lazy trolls.) before I work. I think this will be the ultimate test- bringing back responsibility and incorporating new goals. Alright then.

Not Procrastinating! [Create Resolution]

Paul really likes this one. Not sure why.

And Here We Are...

During a particularly uneventful morning last week, I decided to write down what I would like to change/accomplish in 2012. I realized that this was the first year that everything I wanted to do was realistic and doable (which only took me 27 years). I figured a public and frequently updated blog was the most efficient way to share my journey and keep myself accountable. The following are my, Abby Frances Stewart's, resolutions for the year 2012. And if you're a believer of Mayan prediction, my last year of liiiiiife.

RESOLUTIONS:

-Completely stop using plastic and paper bags.
We have so many plastic and paper bags tucked into drawers and crannies in our house. Even growing up, we never threw plastic bags away, we always found 2nd uses for them; but now, we can't seem to reuse them fast enough. Not to mention, I have bought about 5 canvas/vinyl reusable bags that I constantly forget to take to the store with me. I've started putting the reusable bags in my car and purse so that I always have one on me, and I'm hoping that this will help me break the plastic bag habit and that by the end of the 2012 we will have reused/recycled all the plastic and paper bags and be a completely disposable-bag-free house.

-Work out for at least 30 minutes, 3 times a week.
I don't get addicted to many things (no really, I smoked a pack of Lucky Strike filters every day from 16 to 22 and then quit cold turkey one day because "I felt like it"), but I get really addicted to routines. When it comes to physical activity, getting addicted to a routine can be my best friend or my worst enemy. Since I'm making a resolution about working out, it should come as no surprise that it's landing on the "worst enemy" side at the moment. I had surgery back in June and leading up to it I was running, hiking or walking an average of 6 miles a day. Post surgery, I could barely walk up the stairs to our apartment for weeks and have had the hardest time getting back into a routine for the past 5 months. Once something is on my calendar, it's set in stone for me, so....yes, I'm going to start scheduling running, yoga and gym time. At least until I'm addicted to it again.

-Be more patient, calm, understanding of mistakes as a wife aka Operation Simmer the F*** Down, Abby
My patience and sense of humor with 90% of the people I interact with is limitless. Especially with kids, I find that I can "laugh off and try again" almost anything. But I feel like lately (or possibly for the last....8 years) I have absolutely no patience for the one person I should. The most recent example: Paul didn't buy me anything for Christmas. He made me something and it was really sweet, but he didn't even wrap it. And he finished making it Christmas morning when we should have been hanging out and relaxing. I'm STILL annoyed by this and on Christmas I was extremely obvious and vocal with my disappointment in a not-very-mature way. Also, if he leaves his underwear on the ground and a glass on his nightstand and all of his stubble in the sink after shaving I. LOSE. MY. SHIT. and assume that he is trying to be the worst person on the planet. Here's the thing: Paul and I have two completely different takes on tending to the needs of others. I like doing things before anyone has to tell me. I offer help, ask if there's anything else someone needs of me, ask people what they want for gifts, etc. Paul thinks if someone needs or wants anything that they need to speak up and tell him. Every time. If I want something specific for Christmas I should tell him what that is. If I want him to clean up something, I should ask him. If I'm feeling like his effort was inadequate, he would like me to not get frustrated and just tell him. He is an engineer and his brain is mostly robotic. It makes sense. People handle life differently and I REALLY need to get that through my neurotic skull for the sake of my own sanity. Anyone reading this, don't seriously worry about Paul and I. Yes, his obliviousness sometimes reduces me to a weeping pile on the kitchen or bathroom floor; but I also cry at cute peanut butter commercials and that episode of Parks and Recreation where Leslie buys Ron a steak and nice scotch and lets him watch old war movies uninterrupted for his birthday. So yeah, time to work on me not being psycho.

-Create something each day.
Pretty simple. Sketch, paint, build, sing, write etc... doesn't matter what it is. Do something, no matter how small, each day.


-Figure out the design for our room and living room.
When I was in high school I covered my walls with pictures and magazine pages for the sake of covering as much space as possible. Now that I'm not 15 anymore, I'm much more picky about what I choose to put up. Ironically, I did have Christmas lights up in the living room for an entire year, but those have come down now. Our bedroom is literally just a bed, 2 nightstands and a pile of books. I say "pile" because I thought I was happy with our $10 garage sale bookcase, but I wasn't so now the books are just stacked up along the wall. My lack of desire to decorate is partly because the Stewarts are on a tight budget right now and partly because I need to get my ass more motivated to go out and find cool stuff. Courtney, make me go to the flea market on Sunday. Is that the right "flea" to use? Or is it "flee"? I've stared at them so long that neither of them even look like real words anymore.

-Dance in a Flash Mob.I'm for cereal here. I have a Flash Mob fantasy. Actually, my fantasy is to choreograph a Flash Mob to a very specific song and do it with all my friends. Marisa? Choreograph? If I have to do it, it's going to be a lot of Roger Rabbit-ing.

GOALS

-Lose 10 vanity pounds.
I know this is the most cliche New Year's statement. Maybe that means it will be easier, maybe that means it won't happen - time will tell. I'm not at an unhealthy weight. I'm 5'9" and I wear a size 8. Most shirts are mediums. Bra is a 34C. Aaaaand that's all you get right now. Honestly, if I were the size and weight that I am right now, but didn't have lovehandles - I wouldn't even care. Hence, the term "vanity pounds". Also, shorts terrify me. This is 100% for my own peace of mind and narcissism. Judge away, just being honest.

-Run a half marathon.
Pretty self-explanatory. Want to sign up for the SD Half Marathon, but not sure if the whole fam can pay the $150 each to run it, so might just run it unregistered, might have to wait til a later date to find one. It's a goal and basically want to do it just to say I did.

-Maintain at least a 3.5 for Spring '12 semester.
I'm taking 14 units next semester (4 classes). All of fall semester I had a 4.0 but then I got an 83% on a final that was worth 40% of my grade and it took my whole grade down to an 88%. If I had just done all the homework I would have been able to still get an A with just barely a 90%. Yes, I'm kicking myself in my 10-pounds-too-big ass right now. My goal for Spring is to at least get 2 A's and 2 B's. I've looked over the classes and it's completely doable IF I commit to doing everything. For me, it's not usually a matter of how well I do, it's a matter of doing it at all. Really important at this point so I can be done with school by 30 and close this chapter once and for all. I'm sure Paul would like me to eventually get a career and contribute to the household income too.

-Be more of myself/do things I like.
Possibly selfish. Not about to start complaining about life and responsibilities and time. I'm really lucky and I know it. I just need to set aside more time/money to do all the little things that I used to that made me happy and awesome. So without delving into too many details, that's a goal.

-Get pregnant.
Yeah, you're reading this right. I want to lose weight and have more time for myself and take on a full load at school and.... have a baby? Pretty much an oxymoron, I know. Possibly the most important goal for me, but the one that is the least in my control too, so it's technically more like a wish. Not ready to share the details of the journey with the whole internet (or the 4 of you who will actually read this), but it's something that's been on our minds and I'm ready. It wouldn't be my life if things weren't completely chaotic and idiosyncratic!

And there you have it. My tentative plan for a good life in 2012. I haven't decided how often I'll update this for accountability, but I'm hoping for several times a week. Happy New Year to all of you. 2012 will be our year.